If that was your dad, he is hot
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
