I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
