Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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