I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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