We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
