And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I didn't shave. On purpose
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
