you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
