Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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