Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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