I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
