i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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