Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
