It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
