Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
