You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
