Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(443): View more from Maryland

The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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(302): View more from Delaware

then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.

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(949): View more from California

It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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(509): View more from Washington

I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

(609): View more from New Jersey

That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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(303): View more from Colorado

he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.

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