dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
