he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
