his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
