im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
