my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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