I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
