I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
