You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
