Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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