I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
