I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
