I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
