ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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