the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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