I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think your dad took our porno
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
