Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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