There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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