my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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