im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
