I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
