i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
two words: eviction party
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
