So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
