No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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