No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
