"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
