i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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