Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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