Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
