Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
