i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
