TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
