he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sarcasm needs its own font
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
