Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
