He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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