oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
